he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
