Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I want is dick and wine.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
