I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
