Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
