It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
