happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
