good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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