Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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