Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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