I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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