he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
