under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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