Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
