still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
