I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
