did you get engaged???
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
