I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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