I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
