Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
