operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
