Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
