Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
