You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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