I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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