the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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