I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
