Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
