I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
