i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
