So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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