I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she told me i tasted like america
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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