fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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