What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
