the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
