It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
