pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
