He uses pillows to masturbate.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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