just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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