I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
