JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
