it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
