Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
