How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
