Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
