Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
