garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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