You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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