youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
