It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
well I can't set my house on fire every night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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