I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
