smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
